Reframing self-care: New Chicago business looks beyond scented candles and massages to help clients find joy - Chicago Tribune

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Alison Bowen

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Liz Coffey remembers when she realized burnout at work was affecting her life to the point where it took over a holiday.

Her aha moment was on Thanksgiving in 2020, when she found herself sitting with her husband in their West Town home eating takeout and complaining about work.

Coffey realized she needed a break, but she also knew a scented candle wasnโ€™t going to cut it.

โ€œAs women, weโ€™ve been told to just put a face mask on it when weโ€™re feeling stressed,โ€ said Coffey, 39, a Chicago entrepreneur whose Thanksgiving experience led her to start her company, On Leave Experiences, which pairs clients with excursions intended to help them broaden their horizons by wandering, creating and learning.

The conversation around self-care has changed in recent years. A bath can help, but if you canโ€™t muster the energy to find enjoyment in life, that can indicate a larger issue. Many people are thinking anew about what self-care means and how they can more broadly find contentment or joy in daily life.

In the bestseller โ€œReal Self-Care: Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble-Baths Not Included,โ€ author Pooja Lakshmin talks about self-care methods versus principles. For example, a yoga class can be part of a larger goal to practice self-compassion, but itโ€™s just a Band-Aid if it becomes something you feel bad you donโ€™t attend every week.

โ€œWe live in a capitalist society that we know is entrenched with racism and misogyny and ableism,โ€ she said, โ€œwhere the highest form of value is productivity.โ€

Even Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy wrote in a recent New York Times op-ed that parents are burned out to the point of needing federal solutions to help with the related stress and mental health concerns.

Lakshmin agreed. โ€œTo take rest makes us feel like we are a failure,โ€ she said. โ€œYou canโ€™t meditate your way out of a 40-hour workweek with no child care.โ€

After her Thanksgiving realization, Coffey said, she began working with a professional coach, who initially suggested prioritizing self-care. Coffey booked a massage.

โ€œI felt like I would lay on that table, and I would be answering emails in my head,โ€ she said.

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Liz Coffey looks over tchotchkes at The Brewed Coffee Shop in the Avondale neighborhood as she scouts locations for her self-care business, On Leave Experiences, on Sep. 12, 2024, in Chicago. (E. Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune)

So instead, she began focusing on what brought her joy, and while working with her coach, she kept coming back to the idea of trips she had taken with her friends โ€” moments where she felt unplugged from her phone, talking to people and learning new things.

In 2023, she took a solo trip to Birmingham, Alabama, and ended up having a nightlong discussion with another woman who was also solo and who had recently separated.

โ€œWe had the most amazing conversation,โ€ Coffey said. โ€œThe goal of that conversation was not to become best friends from it, but just to have a conversation, make a connection with a human.โ€

On the flight home, she thought, โ€œI feel alive.โ€ She recalled that โ€œit was such a juxtaposition from getting off a massage table.โ€

Coffey started her company this year after leaving her job in supply chain communications and taking a life-coaching course.

On Leave Experiences offers something different from trips like bachelorette parties or college roommate reunions. Coffey is clear that while those trips are great, she believes self-discovery can be prompted by wandering in new cities and towns or finding a new path in a place where someone already lives.

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Liz Coffey stops to chat with Sarah Jamison, owner of Firefly Fiber Arts Studio in the Avondale neighborhood, as she scouts locations for her clients on Sep. 12, 2024. (E. Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune)

Theresa Chu, 43, a communications consultant, found On Leave Experiences after what she described as a โ€œcycle of burnout.โ€

โ€œI think part of why Iโ€™ve struggled with defining what self-care means to me is because a lot of what is presented to women is this idea that self-care is limited to getting your nails done or hanging with the girls,โ€ she said in an email. โ€œIโ€™m not a spa person. I donโ€™t have a lot of girlfriends. So what does that leave me with?โ€

Her self-care day began in the Pilsen neighborhood at the National Museum of Mexican Art and included a private floral arrangement lesson at Zinโ€™s Flower Shop. But the wandering and eating on 18th Street was Chuโ€™s favorite part.

She tends not to be โ€œsomeone who just roams to roam,โ€ she said. But now, sheโ€™s noticing more art and things around her in her daily life.

Coffey shares what she learned from her own experience: Bring a book to a solo dinner because it is great company and a conversation-starter. In fact, a book is what inspired her conversation with the Alabama woman.

With a coaching lens, Coffey creates intentional itineraries, like the bouquet-making experience that helped Chu create a connection with another person. For weekend trips, Coffey offers questions to consider. For example, for a client going on an excursion this month that kicks off with a bike ride, she asked the client to consider: โ€œIs it easy or hard to not be in constant touch with your phone while biking? What makes it that way?โ€

ctc-l-self-care-business04_205230530.jpg?fit=620%2C9999px&ssl=1

Liz Coffey, right, learns to pin a specimen from Nina Salem, founder of the The Insect Asylum in the Avondale neighborhood, as she scouts locations for clients on Sep. 12, 2024. (E. Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune)

Women have to be convinced to not feel guilty about carving out time for themselves, Coffey said. They may feel they canโ€™t leave their family, or they already travel enough. But thereโ€™s something โ€œmagic,โ€ she says, about this type of self-focused travel, whether itโ€™s a day trip in your own city or a Thursday night flight with a Sunday return.

Coffey said wandering or traveling solo can be helpful because it cultivates mindfulness โ€” looking around you, instead of at your phone. Noticing small details like how the leaves sway or a cloud floats can help a person feel more calm and centered.

An On Leave weekend is a two- to four-day itinerary; it can include, for example, cocktails in New Orleans or a writing workshop in Los Angeles.

To help facilitate this, the company has a process to assess what the client needs. Fees start at $129 for a Day of You and $599 for a signature On Leave weekend. The company books hotels, experiences and meal reservations, although Coffey recommends that clients book their own flights.

Robin Tillotson of the Chatham neighborhood also knows women who need to hear that they can take time for themselves. While working a separate job, Tillotson started the company This I Do For Me, which is named after a phrase her mother would use while making time to focus on herself.

Tillotson, who then retired from her previous job, said her image of self-care continues to evolve.

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Robin Tillotson, who owns a travel company called This I Do For Me, runs an online orientation for a client who signed up for a trip to Ghana, Aug. 12, 2021. (Chris Sweda/Chicago Tribune)

โ€œA big part of self-care, for me, particularly in these last two years since Iโ€™ve been retired, emanates from being more conscious about how I am moving in the world and how conscious I am as I am doing it,โ€ she said.

Having time to slow down, she said, revealed how often she was just โ€œon the wheelโ€ of life: โ€œYouโ€™re engaged on all the stuff, but sometimes youโ€™re not fully conscious, youโ€™re not enjoying it in many ways,โ€ she said. โ€œYouโ€™re just on the grind.โ€

Her companyโ€™s trips are geared toward women age 50 and older, people who she says spent a lifetime caring for others and now are newly focused on themselves. They travel internationally, with a big group coordinated by Tillotson, who seeks out experiences like making lanterns and attending theater.

During the trips, clients will often have wonderful conversations. The goal isnโ€™t making new best friends for life. โ€œItโ€™s just that you spent a great day with a new person,โ€ she said.

Alison Bowen is a freelancer.
 
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  37. wonderspa:
    wonderspa: ๐ŸŒบWonder spa,(9421Jane st unit127)call416-5000-800โ˜Ž๏ธbest massage in vaughan,๐Ÿ’„sexy very young girl Mimi๏ผŒlong legs ,natural c cup,very good looking amazing massage nice body slide,really popular ๐ŸŽlong hair mina smile,very good looking ,strong to relax oil ,back walk,more experience โค๏ธvery sexy Vietnamese girl Amy,open maid,amazing the end,really popular,must try๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿฅคall awesome massage ๐Ÿ‘๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน
  38. Golden Sunshine Spa:
    โœจClick on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! โœ… Click Here Today๐ŸŒธSamy๐ŸŒธPriya๐ŸŒธLynda๐ŸŒธAletta๐ŸŒธIsabella๐ŸŒธIvy Call us โ˜Ž 905 - 265 - 2158โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate service awaits! โœจ
  39. DareDevil:
    366 ARIA WELLNESS โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธADDRESS: 360 HWY 7, UNIT #6, RICHMOND HILL,647-222-5683 โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ(PHONES CALL ONLY, NO TEXT'N AVAILABLE) โ™ฅ๏ธTODAY'S Schedule!โ™ฅ๏ธ Loaded lineup with Beautiful Girls : New young RMT student Helen, Fun girl Apple, Magical Mia and Work out๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿšด๐Ÿ’ช Babe Amy! SPECIAL PROMO 30 MINS 2 GIRLS $70 ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน**TODAY'S PICKS OF THE DAY ARE ๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿญ APPLE AND HELEN๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿญ**
  40. Soul Relax Spa:
    โœจ Looking for a relaxing escape? โœ… Click Here Meet๐ŸŒธCarly๐ŸŒธBrandy๐ŸŒธKellyCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now โ˜Ž 289 - 298 - 5662โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! โœจ
  41. Spa in Markham:
    GOLDEN FS โ€“ 8380 Kennedy Rd ๐Ÿ“ž 905-258-0777 / 416-688-6886 ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ VANESSA, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ JULIE (2PM), ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ด MEGAN (8PM), ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ KELLY, ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ SONIA (8PM), ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ JESSIE ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookinggoldenlove
  42. FLOWER Spa - BLUEXADO | Thornhill | VAUGHAN:
    BLUEXADO FS โ€“ #06-1102 Centre St ๐Ÿ“ž 416-357-9797 / 416-678-8668 ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ CICI, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ AMY, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ SHERRY ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookingbluexadolove
  43. FLOWER Spa โ€“ PINK | Scarborough | TORONTO:
    PINK FS โ€“ 3300 McNicoll Ave ๐Ÿ“ž 416-299-5515 / 416-817-3839 ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท ELINA, ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ MADY, ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ CANDY, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ NANCY ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookingpinklove
  44. SpringGreen.:
    Today we have 5 girls on downtown Toronto 72 gerrard st west๏ผš๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹ New girl Hitti very young๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹Lisa- Tanned Spanish beauty with large melons and a fun booty too minica- exotic goddess with a gymnasts body and corresponding flexibility Jennifer- Exotic beauty with... Call and text 647 891 0699 ask question :heart4 :heart4 :heart4
  45. Jennyโ€™s Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’JENNYโ€™S SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…5170 DUNDAS STREET WESTโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒETOBICOKE ONTARIO M9A 1C4๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ( 647-893-5196)โ˜Ž๏ธCall or Text โ˜Ž๏ธ( 437-888-3759)โ˜Ž๏ธCall Only (ETOBICOKE) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…GRAND OPENING๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅEXCELLENT MASSAGE + SERVICE QUEENS NOW AVAILABLE AT JENNYโ€™S SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ”ฅTWO BEAUTIFUL NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ’ฏREAL PICTURES OF ATTENDANTS๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹Limited Time Special Promotion๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹ โœ…๐Ÿ’ฆ30 Minutes Nude Mass
  46. AliceSpa:
    3 Sexy Young Girls Today at Alice Spa. Open 10am to 9pm : CLOUDIA (12pm-9pm): is Vietnamese, young, petite 5'2" & 96 Lbs, B Cup, best rim deep bbbj cim. $40 Room Fee + $80 (incl bbbj & fs). +$20 for rim/cim. Excellent open minded services. SKY (10:30am-9pm): is Part time girl from Indonesia, petite 5'2", B Cup, 100 Lbs, long black hair, new to the biz.Young, fresh/cute, pretty, submissive, slim tiny waist, fair skin. bbbj
  47. ForeverWarden:
    Monday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ดโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ 2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ: Bella, Yumi & Cindy. Bella is around 5โ€™3โ€ with a thin to medium build, C Cups, and a pleasing personality. She can offer dfk, bbbj and cfs as well as a good massage experience. Yumi is a young half Chinese / /half Korean very sexy & slim beauty, can do bbbj cim, excellent services...
  48. HolidaySpa:
    Monday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธ: AMY, FIONA & CINDY. AMY is an attractive young lady with larger breasts and a nice bottom. She has outstanding oral skills, and is very popular. Donโ€™t miss out on her special skills! FIONA is a slim hottie with long dark hair, great melons and ass, and nice services. CINDY is slim
  49. SugarLoveSpa:
    Monday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: ANA, CHRISTINA, MIA, TIFFANY & VIVI. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON โ˜Ž ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฑ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด โ˜Ž ANA is a young, short and sweet lady, 5โ€™1 & 105 Lbs, very tight, with a small to medium booty. Ana is a versatile honey who provides great massage, & can accommodate your needs. CHRISTINA is Spanish, C Cups, 5'3", tall & nice curves, very open mind
  50. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 young girls are working today, young pretty Lily 25โ€™s with curve body and flirty Ivy 36DD with curly body 30โ€™s open mind, young sweet popular Michelle 26โ€™s with curve body open mind and cute GFE Ella are providing deep tissue massage, pls call 4163985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome,back entrance and parking available, 350 Wilson Ave North York
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