Reframing self-care: New Chicago business looks beyond scented candles and massages to help clients find joy - Chicago Tribune

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Alison Bowen

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Liz Coffey remembers when she realized burnout at work was affecting her life to the point where it took over a holiday.

Her aha moment was on Thanksgiving in 2020, when she found herself sitting with her husband in their West Town home eating takeout and complaining about work.

Coffey realized she needed a break, but she also knew a scented candle wasnโ€™t going to cut it.

โ€œAs women, weโ€™ve been told to just put a face mask on it when weโ€™re feeling stressed,โ€ said Coffey, 39, a Chicago entrepreneur whose Thanksgiving experience led her to start her company, On Leave Experiences, which pairs clients with excursions intended to help them broaden their horizons by wandering, creating and learning.

The conversation around self-care has changed in recent years. A bath can help, but if you canโ€™t muster the energy to find enjoyment in life, that can indicate a larger issue. Many people are thinking anew about what self-care means and how they can more broadly find contentment or joy in daily life.

In the bestseller โ€œReal Self-Care: Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble-Baths Not Included,โ€ author Pooja Lakshmin talks about self-care methods versus principles. For example, a yoga class can be part of a larger goal to practice self-compassion, but itโ€™s just a Band-Aid if it becomes something you feel bad you donโ€™t attend every week.

โ€œWe live in a capitalist society that we know is entrenched with racism and misogyny and ableism,โ€ she said, โ€œwhere the highest form of value is productivity.โ€

Even Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy wrote in a recent New York Times op-ed that parents are burned out to the point of needing federal solutions to help with the related stress and mental health concerns.

Lakshmin agreed. โ€œTo take rest makes us feel like we are a failure,โ€ she said. โ€œYou canโ€™t meditate your way out of a 40-hour workweek with no child care.โ€

After her Thanksgiving realization, Coffey said, she began working with a professional coach, who initially suggested prioritizing self-care. Coffey booked a massage.

โ€œI felt like I would lay on that table, and I would be answering emails in my head,โ€ she said.

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Liz Coffey looks over tchotchkes at The Brewed Coffee Shop in the Avondale neighborhood as she scouts locations for her self-care business, On Leave Experiences, on Sep. 12, 2024, in Chicago. (E. Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune)

So instead, she began focusing on what brought her joy, and while working with her coach, she kept coming back to the idea of trips she had taken with her friends โ€” moments where she felt unplugged from her phone, talking to people and learning new things.

In 2023, she took a solo trip to Birmingham, Alabama, and ended up having a nightlong discussion with another woman who was also solo and who had recently separated.

โ€œWe had the most amazing conversation,โ€ Coffey said. โ€œThe goal of that conversation was not to become best friends from it, but just to have a conversation, make a connection with a human.โ€

On the flight home, she thought, โ€œI feel alive.โ€ She recalled that โ€œit was such a juxtaposition from getting off a massage table.โ€

Coffey started her company this year after leaving her job in supply chain communications and taking a life-coaching course.

On Leave Experiences offers something different from trips like bachelorette parties or college roommate reunions. Coffey is clear that while those trips are great, she believes self-discovery can be prompted by wandering in new cities and towns or finding a new path in a place where someone already lives.

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Liz Coffey stops to chat with Sarah Jamison, owner of Firefly Fiber Arts Studio in the Avondale neighborhood, as she scouts locations for her clients on Sep. 12, 2024. (E. Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune)

Theresa Chu, 43, a communications consultant, found On Leave Experiences after what she described as a โ€œcycle of burnout.โ€

โ€œI think part of why Iโ€™ve struggled with defining what self-care means to me is because a lot of what is presented to women is this idea that self-care is limited to getting your nails done or hanging with the girls,โ€ she said in an email. โ€œIโ€™m not a spa person. I donโ€™t have a lot of girlfriends. So what does that leave me with?โ€

Her self-care day began in the Pilsen neighborhood at the National Museum of Mexican Art and included a private floral arrangement lesson at Zinโ€™s Flower Shop. But the wandering and eating on 18th Street was Chuโ€™s favorite part.

She tends not to be โ€œsomeone who just roams to roam,โ€ she said. But now, sheโ€™s noticing more art and things around her in her daily life.

Coffey shares what she learned from her own experience: Bring a book to a solo dinner because it is great company and a conversation-starter. In fact, a book is what inspired her conversation with the Alabama woman.

With a coaching lens, Coffey creates intentional itineraries, like the bouquet-making experience that helped Chu create a connection with another person. For weekend trips, Coffey offers questions to consider. For example, for a client going on an excursion this month that kicks off with a bike ride, she asked the client to consider: โ€œIs it easy or hard to not be in constant touch with your phone while biking? What makes it that way?โ€

ctc-l-self-care-business04_205230530.jpg?fit=620%2C9999px&ssl=1

Liz Coffey, right, learns to pin a specimen from Nina Salem, founder of the The Insect Asylum in the Avondale neighborhood, as she scouts locations for clients on Sep. 12, 2024. (E. Jason Wambsgans/Chicago Tribune)

Women have to be convinced to not feel guilty about carving out time for themselves, Coffey said. They may feel they canโ€™t leave their family, or they already travel enough. But thereโ€™s something โ€œmagic,โ€ she says, about this type of self-focused travel, whether itโ€™s a day trip in your own city or a Thursday night flight with a Sunday return.

Coffey said wandering or traveling solo can be helpful because it cultivates mindfulness โ€” looking around you, instead of at your phone. Noticing small details like how the leaves sway or a cloud floats can help a person feel more calm and centered.

An On Leave weekend is a two- to four-day itinerary; it can include, for example, cocktails in New Orleans or a writing workshop in Los Angeles.

To help facilitate this, the company has a process to assess what the client needs. Fees start at $129 for a Day of You and $599 for a signature On Leave weekend. The company books hotels, experiences and meal reservations, although Coffey recommends that clients book their own flights.

Robin Tillotson of the Chatham neighborhood also knows women who need to hear that they can take time for themselves. While working a separate job, Tillotson started the company This I Do For Me, which is named after a phrase her mother would use while making time to focus on herself.

Tillotson, who then retired from her previous job, said her image of self-care continues to evolve.

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Robin Tillotson, who owns a travel company called This I Do For Me, runs an online orientation for a client who signed up for a trip to Ghana, Aug. 12, 2021. (Chris Sweda/Chicago Tribune)

โ€œA big part of self-care, for me, particularly in these last two years since Iโ€™ve been retired, emanates from being more conscious about how I am moving in the world and how conscious I am as I am doing it,โ€ she said.

Having time to slow down, she said, revealed how often she was just โ€œon the wheelโ€ of life: โ€œYouโ€™re engaged on all the stuff, but sometimes youโ€™re not fully conscious, youโ€™re not enjoying it in many ways,โ€ she said. โ€œYouโ€™re just on the grind.โ€

Her companyโ€™s trips are geared toward women age 50 and older, people who she says spent a lifetime caring for others and now are newly focused on themselves. They travel internationally, with a big group coordinated by Tillotson, who seeks out experiences like making lanterns and attending theater.

During the trips, clients will often have wonderful conversations. The goal isnโ€™t making new best friends for life. โ€œItโ€™s just that you spent a great day with a new person,โ€ she said.

Alison Bowen is a freelancer.
 
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    ๐Ÿ’†โ€โ™€๐Ÿ’–Terrific Thursday ๐Ÿ’– Ultimate destination for Asian massages๐ŸŽ‰ Two fab spots: SL Richmond Hill & SL West Oakville โœจ Your passport to paradise with 10 enchanting girls fr China, HK โ€” ๐Ÿ†•Tiffany, Joey, Julie, Aaliyah, Cici, Coco, Yui, Meghan, Julia & New 34D Jasmineโ€”โ€” ready to pamper you๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ Ring us ๐Ÿ“ž647-695-6354 or text us ๐Ÿ“ฑ647-578-8169โœจ 160 East Beaver Cr., Unit 12, RichmondHill ๐Ÿ’ฐWhere Eastern charm meets Western comfort - your bliss awaits
  33. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน Table shower .body scrub ๐Ÿ˜˜Three girls every day ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ 5124 Dundas West Street, Etobicoke โ˜Ž๏ธ 416-817-3366 ๐Ÿ‘ Newโ—๏ธNew girl Angela ,so young Petite and pretty๐Ÿ˜‹ open service ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ Sweet girl Luna deep massage ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜ Hot and sexy body very provocative service ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธ You are welcome to make an appointment at any time or walk in directly through the back door. We have ample parking spaces available
  34. Nu spring spa888:
    ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–sexy hot busty Singapore ๐ŸŒน Indian ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒนkorean girls๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒนworking ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—at markham โ˜Ž๏ธ416-669-8508โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
  35. AliceSpa:
    THURSDAY at ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—œ๐—–๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”.4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿต๐Ÿด-๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿด๐Ÿต๐Ÿด. 3 girls here today at ALICE SPA. Open 10am to 9pm: JESSICA is from Hong Kong, super busty D Cup, 5'2", 109 Lbs, curvy, soft white cream skin, pretty face, can bbbj cim dfk 69 cof sf2, available all services, excellent treatment. KITTY is a new Korean girl, super busty, small body, new to the business.
  36. Spa in Markham:
    GOLDEN FS โ€“ 8380 Kennedy Rd ๐Ÿ“ž 905-258-0777 / 416-688-6886 ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ JULIE (2PM), ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ CANDY, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ด MEGAN (9PM), ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ VANESSA, ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ SONIA (8PM) ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookinggoldenlove
  37. FLOWER Spa - BLUEXADO | Thornhill | VAUGHAN:
    BLUEXADO FS โ€“ #06-1102 Centre St ๐Ÿ“ž 416-357-9797 / 416-678-8668 ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ CICI, ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡พ AMY, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ MY LINH (2AM) ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookingbluexadolove
  38. FLOWER Spa โ€“ PINK | Scarborough | TORONTO:
    PINK FS โ€“ 3300 McNicoll Ave ๐Ÿ“ž 416-299-5515 / 416-817-3839 ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท ELINA, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ KELLY, ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ MADY (12PM), ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ด MEGAN (2PM) ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookingpinklove
  39. Jennyโ€™s Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’JENNYโ€™S SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…5170 DUNDAS STREET WESTโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒETOBICOKE ONTARIO M9A 1C4๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ( 647-893-5196)โ˜Ž๏ธCall or Text โ˜Ž๏ธ( 437-888-3759)โ˜Ž๏ธCall Only (ETOBICOKE) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…GRAND OPENING๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅEXCELLENT MASSAGE + SERVICE QUEENS NOW AVAILABLE AT JENNYโ€™S SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ”ฅTWO BEAUTIFUL NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ’ฏREAL PICTURES OF ATTENDANTS๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹Limited Time Special Promotion๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹ โœ…๐Ÿ’ฆ30 Minutes Nude Mass
  40. wonderspa:
    wonderspa: :wonderspa: โ˜Ž๏ธ416-5000-800,L6a4H8๏ผŒopen10 to10,Ensuit shower available ๐ŸŒน๐Ÿ”ฅbeautiful young Jessica sexy body,deep tissue to relax massage back walk,hot stone๐Ÿ…sexy face sunny is very good looking,slim body ,nice body slide sweet sensual touch ๐ŸŒนbeautiful long hair younge new lily Q,friendly,amazing massage,happy the end,really popular,must tryโค๏ธ
  41. wilson holistic centre:
    new girl works at ๐Ÿ’‹535 Evans Ave today ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•โ˜Ž๏ธโ˜Ž๏ธ416-531-6969โ˜Ž๏ธโ˜Ž๏ธ
  42. Golden Sunshine Spa:
    โœจClick on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! โœ… Click Here Today๐ŸŒธTina๐ŸŒธCindy๐ŸŒธIsabella๐ŸŒธNadia๐ŸŒธAnna Call us โ˜Ž 905 - 265 - 2158โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate service awaits! โœจ
  43. Soul Relax Spa:
    โœจ Looking for a relaxing escape? โœ… Click Here Meet๐ŸŒธKelly๐ŸŒธKim๐ŸŒธValentinaCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now โ˜Ž 289 - 298 - 5662โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! โœจ
  44. ForeverWarden:
    Thursday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ด๐ŸŸฅโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ๐Ÿซฆ2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ: Cindy, Sophia & Tracy. Cindy is a slim beauty, 5โ€™4โ€, natural C Cups. Her massage is nice, her services will drive you wild & her finish is a dream come true. Sophia is a sweet & pretty Chinese lady with natural B Cups and an awe-inspiring smooth rounded ass. Sophia can provide top notch services
  45. HolidaySpa:
    Thursday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธ: ANGELA, LUCY & CINDY. Angela is versatile and responsive. LUCY is a beautiful and slim Asian lady with a happy disposition and great services. CINDY is a slim & incredibly sexy lady with a smile that will melt your heart, & an ass that will fire up your spirit.
  46. SugarLoveSpa:
    Thursday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: LUNA, MIA, SARA, TIFFANY & VIVI. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON โ˜Ž ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฑ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด โ˜Ž LUNA is a slim, VERY PETITE and capable Vietnamese beauty, nice natural 34C Cups. Luna can do everything. MIA is a young & slim ๐™Ž๐™‹๐™„๐™‰๐™‰๐™€๐™, very PRETTY & PETITE Vietnamese beauty with perfect natural A Cups, 5โ€™1โ€ & 90 Lbs, very versatile.
  47. EMSpa_schedule:
    ๐ŸŽ‰Come visit us!๐ŸŽ‰ Today (Thursday), our amazing attendants are Ada ๐Ÿ’œ, Cici ๐Ÿคฉ, Vicky ๐Ÿฅณ, Sophie ๐Ÿค— and Monica ๐Ÿฅฐ. Call us at โ˜Ž๏ธ (905) 479-6668 โ˜Ž๏ธ to book your favourite and head on over to 7665 Kennedy Road, Unit 4, Markham!
  48. ใ™ใฟใพใ›ใ‚“:
    Top notch wellness: Ella , elena, Angela, Michelle, gabby , and Vanna. Call us now to make your appointment. 437-522-9961
  49. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 young girls are working today, young Taiwanese Victoria slime 26โ€™s open mind and young flirty Tina 30โ€™s with curly body open min, young popular kitty 26โ€™s with curve body and pretty Ella are providing deep tissue massage, pls call 4163985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome,back entrance and parking available, 350 Wilson Ave North York
  50. luckywellness:
    Lucky Wellness Center 4379721888 295 Eglinton Ave E,Unit 7,Mississauga We have two girls working today. Judy and Kiki. They are young and beautiful, cute and sexy. Deep tissue massage and relaxation massage are both great. Back walking is very comfortable. They have sweet smiles and work seriously. If you are tired from work, come and make an appointment!๐Ÿค—
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